Friday 5 October 2007

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me now?

I’ve been calling out to you for ages... you haven’t even looked back.

You hear the words come out of my mouth, it’s turned up in grin, the words are something funny and you laugh like you’ve heard nothing funnier. Can’t you for once realize it’s a mask? Cant you for once try to listen to more than just the words... to where I’m calling out… screaming out… for you?

You come to me with a story of your own, you know that I will listen if you want me to, opine if you need me to. You ask me questions you know I don’t know the answers to. You want me to listen, you want me to answer. Can’t you for once stop and think that maybe I need someone to listen to me at some times? Can’t it ever cross your mind that I may need some questions answered too?

Can you hear me yet?

What will it take for you to hear me? Do I shout? Would you care enough to pretend then? Do I sit quietly in the corner… aloof... then will you look and realize? Do I write you a letter confessing it all? Will you claim you read it?

Do you really need to see me break down to believe I may not be the mask I portray?

Maybe what I need to do to get your attention is something drastic. Leave without ever returning. Leave without a goodbye.

Oh, wait, isn’t that what you did? Did you really think I’d never need you? Did you really think id be fine? Did you not know me at all? How were you so sure id keep coming back to meet you? How did you know that id be the one who made sure the marble slab 6 feet over your head would always be clear off flowers? How did you know? And why won’t you answer me yet?

Can you hear me? Can you hear me at all?

I wish you could hear me. Maybe someday, someday, but for now I’ll continue to sink.